I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
