so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
