Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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