I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize