U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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