but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
