my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
