38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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