No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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