I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
