did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
