Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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