WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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