you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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