"it" just moved
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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