so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
