when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't turn off my feet"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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