My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.