Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"