as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together