hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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