like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's like iHOP with fire
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
