thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
