You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
