My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
