You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
