first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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