I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
smell my finger.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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