So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize