I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
