My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Someone signed my nipple.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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