We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
