Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
