So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The Olympian is in my bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
