I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Couch. On fire.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
