Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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