i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
