Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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