In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
