I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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