Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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