I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
where am i from again
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think i have two assholes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
