There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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