dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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