what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
