By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
