He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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