He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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