all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
