Ambien. No doubt about it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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