I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
