i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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