so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
