I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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