it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
