I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
