So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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i need to put some appletini on your dick
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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