You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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