I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
