Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
