flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
