Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
