I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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