I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
