he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize