well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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