Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize