tonight lets celebrate not being married
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
