Apparently you make a good broom.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
