I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
