ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
