I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
