hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
