He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
