Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
