Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
