Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
