Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
