the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
