he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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