Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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