what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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