i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
