Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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