I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
