So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
