Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm both gender and math confused
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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