it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
