I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
