I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
