It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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