literally had 100 drinks last night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
