so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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