They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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